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"one evening"

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rabat_joie (2 Beiträge) rabat_joie eine Email senden Private Nachricht an rabat_joie senden Userprofil ansehen IP Addresse ansehen
01-Jul-2007, 16:26 Uhr (MEZ)
"one evening"
I really donít know where all those things happened to me. But I donít mind, because it didnít have any meaning for the things that happened. I think it was a little town somewhere in East Ė Germany, but certainly it was a town with a little river.
It was already dark outside and big black clouds covered the sky and so you couldnít see any star. I felt very lonely in this night and so I decided to have a walk to the river. I really like rivers, you know, you can see the same river in different cities and it may look different or it may not. I havenít already thought about something like that, but everytime I watch a river coming and going, I think it tells me a little story about the cities it is coming from.
Suddenly I stood at a bridge, which crossed the river. But not like a normal passenger. I stood at the top of the railing and stared at the river below me. There was a very heavy wind in this night, but it seemed the wind couldnít touch me. I mean, I felt the wind in my face and all, but I didnít have any problem to keep my balance. I just stood still at the top of the railing and stared at the water below me. Noone was around me and noone saw me standing there. It was very silent around me and all the noise seemed to be turned off. I mean, I didnít feel anything and Iím not sure if I thought something while standing there. And then I jumped down into the water. I canít remember if I decided to jump down or the wind pulled me down.
The water was cold as ice and at the moment I felt my clothes absorb the cold water, I took a deep breath. The water flooded my inside and I thought it destroyed every organ in my body. I couldnít see anything around me, maybe I had closed my eyes, but I donít think so, because after a time it became darker and darker around me. My lungs burned like fire. I wanted to breathe but I felt only water inside my mouth and no air. As I thought my lungs would burst, something cralwed tenderly over my head and face.
The air around my head seemed to be cold as the water around the rest of my body. I saw the lights of the city reflected by the surface of the water and I looked to the sky. The railing I had been standing on few moments ago was about five meters over my head. For a short moment I didnít know what to do, then I decided to swim to the nearby bank. It started to rain.

I went to the hotel I had a room in. There was the amazing silence around me and I didnít feel anything. Along the whole way from the muddy bank to the hotel I saw nobody. Maybe I forgot that I saw somebody, but this isnít important.
As I stood at the stairs of the hotel which lead into my room, somebody shouted out my name. I felt like waking up. I turned around and saw a girl standing at the foot of the stairs. She looked a little bit worried, as if she had been searching for me for a while. I smiled. Suddenly my eyes were very heavy and it became dark around me. The last thing that I saw was the girl crying out something I didnít understand.
When I woke up, my clothes lay over the radiator. It smelled very disgusting, but my bed cover and my pillow were warm. A person moved from the window to my bed. I recognized the girl who had stood at the foot of the stairs. She smiled. I smiled, guilty. I didnít know what had happened, but I guessed it was something very uncomfortable. I think she asked me how Iím. But truly she said to me, I should dry my hair. I nooded and moved to the bathroom.
At the mirror desk there lay a packet. I didnít know how it came into my bathroom. I guessed that I bought it when I went back to the hotal at a nearby gas station. I took one cigarette out off the packet and lit it. The smoke burned in my lungs, but it wasnít only the smoke it was also the feeling of guiltyness which burned in my lungs. A single tear fell at my knee. I wiped my eyes. I felt an amazing hatred against myself. I watched the burning cigarette in my hand and looked at my other arm. I swear, I didnít decide it: I pushed the burning cigarette into my arm as deep as I could. I didnít feel any kind of pain. You could see a little ring of smoke and then it was over.I took the towel from the shower cabine, dried my hair, put on a long shirt and moved back to my bed.
The girl was still waiting. Still smiling. I crawled back into my bed watching at her. She asked me if she could sit next to me. I nooded. She sat down. For a while there was a deep silence between us. She didnít recognize that something had happened to me. Suddenly the door opened and another girl moved in. We looked at her and she started screaming I should show her my arm. I dragged my cover over my head and waited what would happen. Both girls screamed all at once, so I didnít understand any word, but finally it was silent and my cover moved back. The girl who had stood at the foot of the stairs smiled at me again. I started to cry. I cried like a little baby and wasnít able to stop.
Anytime, I donít know when it was, I woke up and my head lay in the lap of the girl. Her hand stroked over my face. I felt warmth. I smiled. I couldnít have slept so long, Ďcause I still felt the way my tears were taking on my cheeks. I opened my eyes and look into her face. Her eyes were fixed at my arm. Now I felt the sleeve of my shirt was retired. I said I felt sorry for this. She nooded and then she kissed my forehead and said I should sleep. I nooded, too, and closed my eyes.

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